"Look, there's only room for one sexy beast on this show, dig?"
Wow, Katherine's good. We almost believe that she's really come back for Stefan on this week's The Vampire Diaries. Ohh, how we love her craftiness with the vervain immunity! Instead of building up immunity to Iocane powder, she built up immunity to vervain. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
This episode had three threads:
Katherine and Stefan
So Katherine's just a woman in love -- with Stefan. And she's engineered Caroline keeping Elena busy for the afternoon/evening so that Katherine would be free to weave her love spell around Stefan in peace. First she gets into his dreams, then she lets him think that he's caught her with his vervain trap and shackles so she can pour out the story of The Way We Were. When that didn't have the desired affect, she resorted to threatening poor Elena. We're not proud of it, but a million years ago, we were that girl. The one who relished the complex series of manipulations required to get your First True Love to realize that he really does still love you. Katherine, you've been around a long time. You should know better by now. It never works for more than a moment. He's moved on, chica. That's what you get for leaving him to die/wake up like that. We're sorry that you're having to learn this lesson so late in life.
Follow us after the jump to find out about Damon's major lapse in judgment.
Damon and Mason
Oh, Damon, have we ever accused you of being subtle? Because "Dances with Wolves" during charades isn't subtle. And who plays charades, P.S.? So Damon manipulates Jenna into having a barbecue so he can scope out Mason, whom he dislikes on the merit of being a werewolf. Mason seems cool to us, dunno why Damon has to be so distrustful. Or poorly researched. Guess he swiped Jenna's mother's silver for no reason. Which wasn't very nice, btw. Too bad Damon had to test out the silver theory by stabbing Mason and making an enemy of him. Our big question is why do we have to be afraid that Mason's going to stake Damon when a were bite would do the same trick? Does he have to be in were state?
Caroline and Elena
So like Damon, Caroline's not so much about the subtlety. Difference is that Caroline doesn't know it. Caroline's task for the day was to keep Elena occupied and to start planting the seeds of why she doesn't want to be with Stefan. Problem is that Elena's about a million times more perceptive than Caroline and pretty much picked up on it immediately. We weren't too surprised that Stefan and Elena's "fight" was staged (though if we're being honest, we were relieved a twinge) for Caroline's benefit. The part that made us really relieved, though, was finding out that Caroline is playing along with Katherine because she threatened Elena rather than because Caroline wants to betray her friend.
What do you think of Katherine's motives? Does she really love Stefan? Tell us in the comments!
Trouble might be looming for Adrianna, but Jessica Lowndes is exactly where she wants to be. Making music and playing a flawed yet relatable character on 90210 suits her just fine. We assume recording with artists all over the world isn't half bad either.
Read on to see what's in store for her character, as well as Jessica's budding music career.
It looks like Ade’s music career might be over before it began. Can you give us any spoilers on what might happen with Javier’s uncle?
It’s definitely going to be dramatic. From the second she stole the music there was this big lie hanging over her head, and now there’s this person that knows it and is going to use it against her and it’s going to continue to be a big problem. Victor is a very devious person himself. He has a very…interesting take on the situation. He’s got a little plan for Adrianna and you’re going to see that unravel and see her deal with that. She gets thrown into this new life and she’s definitely going to get consumed by it. She’s someone who is fame-driven; she’s this failed childhood actor and she’s trying to climb her way back up. She sees this as her second chance and she’s not going to let go of it easily.
Do you think Ade feels guilty at all for taking Javier’s songbook?
I think she feels extremely guilty. I think she felt guilty from the second she told Laurel, and when she sang it for Navid and when the video went viral. She definitely feels guilty and she knows she was doing something wrong, but again, she’s looking for her comeback. I don’t condone what she did -- and I don’t condone someone videotaping it at the memorial -- but this is something she’s going to struggle with.
Get the full scoop on the 90210 starlet after the jump.
How does the future look for Navid and Adrianna?
I love them together! I feel like they’re the Ross and Rachel of 90210. I have such a good time working with Michael, he’s such a terrific actor. As for their relationship, it’s definitely going to change. Adrianna’s new lifestyle is definitely going to go to her head, and she’s dealing with blackmail from Victor. Navid will be going through some crazy changes. Something really emotional will happen to him and Ade isn’t really there to help him. But at the end of the day I think they’ve got a history that can’t be matched by anyone else.
Adrianna can be a bit of a wild card but she’s so much fun to watch. Do you enjoy playing her? How much do you have in common?
I have so much fun playing her, it’s kind of a dream, actually. Originally I was supposed to be in the first two episodes and that was it.
I haven’t had a lot of the personal experience with some of the things that she’s dealt with, pregnancy, drug addiction, but I feel very blessed that the writers would give me the responsibility to tell that story and let people know that they’re not so alone with their problems. I’m glad I get to play someone that has problems that maybe others can identify with.
You also have your own music career growing alongside your work on 90210. How has your music changed since you first started singing on the show?
I wrote my first song when I was 15. That will stay in the vault, no one is ever going to hear that song! I did a demo when I was 16. My best friend and I wrote four songs and at the I was going through a breakup that I thought was this big deal and it was so not, it was completely cheesy. But I was heading down to L.A. and I was sitting next to a music producer on the plane. I didn’t know anything about him, we were just chit-chatting the way people do on planes, and he mentioned he was interested in music so I have him my demo. He ended up calling me six months later and bought one of the songs. So that was how I first started.
Now, I know more who I am. I definitely like the pop/rock genre, and I like to incorporate the piano. My mother was a piano teacher and I’ve been playing since I was 10.
You also recorded a single with the British artist Ironik. How did that come together?
I've been all over the world recording lately, and I was in London at a studio recording and he ended up coming in. He played me his track and asked if I wanted to record something with him. So I said sure and we recorded it -- I had no idea it was going to be a single! The video is already on YouTube and the single gets released in the UK on October 25.
It’s kind of funny, the narrative in the video is a lot like the Javier/Adrianna story, before the earthquake. I’m really excited about it.
Are there other areas or genres of music that you haven’t explored yet that you want to break into?
I’m all for collaborations! It’s so fun working with other musicians. Even with hip-hop -- like I said, I’m more into pop/rock, but I love all styles of music.
Do you feel more at home acting or singing?
That’s the hardest question! Everyone has been asking me that. I love them both. I’ve always just been someone who loves to tell stories. When I’m acting I tell someone else's story through the character and when I’m singing I’m telling a bit of my own story. At the end of the day I like helping people and affecting people, and I feel like you can do both in both fields.
Adrianna’s experienced a lot of writers’ block with her music. What do you do when you’re lacking inspiration?
I talk to my fiends! I talk to my girlfriends or my little sister. Or I read the newspaper or turn on the news. You never know where you’re going to find inspiration.
"Don't worry, guys. I didn't know 'Brand New Day' could sound this good either."
This week on Hellcats it’s time for some of the members of the squad to make some difficult familial choices and finally cut the umbilical cord. But that could be easier said than done.
Do they serve mimosas at church these days?
A Sunday brunch date for Savannah and Dan turns into a family affair when the parental units and her beotch of a sister, Charlotte, stroll by—apparently they were on their way home from church. Savannah introduces Dan as her boyfriend and they are promptly invited to dinner. This pleases Savannah greatly because she hasn’t been allowed in the house for awhile. Later, Dan lets Savannah know that while he really likes her he’s not exclusive with anybody. She plays it off like she’s cool with the whole non-exclusive thing but it’s clear that is not the arrangement she wants.
Dinner goes well and Dan sure does talk perdy. It seems like he wins over the family unit until Moms calls him out and tells Savannah that she’s too good for him. Awkward. She even goes as far as to tell Savannah that she’s welcome back into the family fold if she’ll just dump Dan. Savannah tells them to suck it (okay, she doesn’t but we wish she did!) and leaves with Dan.
Later, after Dan has had some time to rethink things, he tells Savannah that he’d like to try out this boyfriend thing— and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Read on for the wrath of scorned women and co-dependent mothers!
Could Alice be more obvious?
First Alice scores drugs in the middle of a busy street, takes them in the middle of her locker room and then she goes to the campus of the competition (the Cyclones, a team they’ve already beaten) and films them in practice—in broad daylight. There’s absolutely nothing subtle about this girl. So when she begs Lewis to practice with her we all know there’s something up her sleeve.
Alice tries to get Lewis to feel sorry for her. She reminds her ex that she can’t play football like her brothers so cheer is the only way she can get in good with the old man. Besides, she just wants to be a flyer with benefits. A hot and sweaty workout turns into something much more when Alice seduces Lewis. Later, when he tries to tell her it’s over, she tells him that she loves him and there’s no better way to show love than to throw a ‘roids induced fit and toss a bottle at your man’s head, refuse a pee test and sulk off to find a rebound guy.
There are certain people you shouldn’t date
One of them is your base—the other is your flyer. When Marti first considers going out with Lewis she realizes (correctly) that a relationship would complicate things. This is a man who will throw her high in the air and then, hopefully, catch her on the way back down. So she tells him no. Then after his little tryst with Alice, Marti rethinks Lewis’ invite and in a showing of terrible timing, asks him out. It’s all terribly confusing but they decide that they shouldn’t cross that line and remain pals…for now. There’s clearly some sexual tension there. Stay tuned for this one, folks!
Marti cuts mom loose
Marti tries to help Wanda with Open Mike Night at the bar so she’ll get the new bar manager position she’s been bucking for. Besides, Wanda requires a job that allows her to be inebriated while on the clock. But as usual, the two butt heads and Marti takes some good advice and lets Wanda do her own thing—she’ll never fly without her if Marti doesn’t let her try—or some such nonsense. To everyone’s surprise, Wanda’s night is a big success. It wasn’t too terribly surprising as Marti and the rest of the cheer squad did most of the initial work…but Wanda did hand out flyers! Wanda ends up getting the big promotion and Marti feels better because she thinks she let her mom do it all on her own. Oh, family. You gotta love ‘em.
America's Next Top Model: Pose through the pain, don't be one
This week on America's Next Top Model the 11 remaining contestants realize that if they truly want to be a top model they’ve got to push themselves beyond their comfort zone, sometimes struggle through an uncomfortable or even painful situation and face their fears.
Awkward moment alert
Flirtatious Kayce decided that she was tired of all the X chromosomes (and apparently her boyfriend back home) and planed a barbecue shindig at the house. Who to invite? Miss J’s busy and Tyra’s getting her hair done. Hey, how about the male models from last week’s shoot? By all accounts it appeared really boring and uncomfortable. Kayce was diggin’ Shaw but the rest of the girls sat and awkwardly tried to make conversation with boy toys who most likely weren’t looking for anything the girls had to offer anyway -- unless it was some camera time.
Quotable quote of the episode
This week’s challenge was not an easy one (that’s why they call it a challenge) and it was time to bite the bullet…literally. The models headed to Knott’s Berry Farm where they were met by Miss J and Nigel Barker, who introduced them to one of the toughest photo shoots we’ve ever seen. Not only were the girls forced to pose on a roller coaster called The Silver Bullet, but they were given an emotion that they had to portray and when Nigel said “go” they would have their photo snapped by the horrible amusement park camera. I don’t care who you are, those photos never turn out well. Chris, apparently, does not do roller coasters but she sucked it up and got on. However, she wailed and cried the entire time. Nigel and Miss J were hooked up with communication devices so that they could communicate with the girls on the ride and the best part of the challenge was when Miss Jay declared, “All’s I hear is a screamin’ black woman.” Liz ended up winning. She got a photo shoot with Tyra and she was allowed to bring two friends—Chris and Kayla.
There's more after the jump -- read on!
Tyraism of the night
After the shoot, Liz and her chosen pals get to enjoy tea time with TyTy. The supermodel poured tea, advised the girls and threw down some baked goods. Seriously, it was like she wanted to eat up and then get out. Finally, she snarfed down one last bit of grocery and announced, “There’s no more carrot cake, so that means, time to go.” Hilarious!
The All Washed Up Award goes to…
This week the legendary Matthew Rolston was the photographer and the man knows his business. Before they even began everyone was evaluated by the photographer and he figured out their strengths and flaws before they even came on set. Then the models were photographed through water with a sea creature. Lexie got sea sick and Liz’s eyes watered because of her contacts so she complained…again. Jay reminded her that she needs to be able to pose through anything. There’s really no love lost there.
Sea ya later!
We think that each and every photo that Matthew Rolston took was absolutely stunning so at panel it was difficult to pick a loser until Chelsey come along. The panel decided that she just doesn’t wear makeup very well and looked like an amateur drag queen. And they decided that Rhianna made a nice hippie but didn’t have the range to be much more. They were feeling pretty bad about themselves until Liz took her turn. Her photo was flat. And to make matters even worse, she complained to the judges about the contact situation. Did this woman not birth a child? Surely a little contact rubbage can’t be that bad compared to childbirth.
For the third week in a row Ann scored best photo. This has to be some kind of ANTM record. Kacey got a nice second and Liz and Rhianna ended up at the bottom two. Luckily for Liz, the judges don’t think that Rhianna has enough range and that she wasn’t versatile enough so they sent her packing.
Hater time
This week it was announced that everyone in the ANTM house hates Kayce. They find her phony and slobbish. She seemed to kind of roll with the punches and took the haters in stride. However, we can’t help but think that after three weeks of victory, Ann will be the next house target. Those models don’t like serious competition and they can smell weakness. Ann is insecure. If attacked she may not be able to make it.
What kind of drama do you see playing out in the house in the next couple of weeks? Tell us here in the comments!
"Sorry, Quinn -- I've looked everywhere, but I just can't find your eyeliner."
One Tree Hill got us again -- we knew what was coming, we totally called this twist at the end, and yet we still teared up when we discovered how Clay was saved. We spent much of the episode groaning at the obvious parallels between Mouth's best sports movies and what was happening to Clay, and then damned if we didn't get all wobbly when the voiceover talked about Will donating his organs so others could live. You win this time, show!
Spectral Clay and Quinn
We'd joked in the podcast about how coma-boy had to be the cushiest acting gig going, but not when you do it Tree Hill style. Clay had as many scenes as anyone, and he had to emote his way through coming to terms with his possible death. We loved the thought of him walking around the hospital making comments to people who couldn't hear him ("Old man from 307, your son is still trying to change the will!"), but we were happy when he got someone else to talk to. Will was also in a coma, thanks to texting-and-driving (WHO DOES THAT?), so it was no surprise to us when his donated organs ended up saving Clay. Still -- it got us right in the withered, atrophied organ we call our hearts.
We've never been Quinn's biggest fans, but she pulled it off this week -- at least in part because it looked like she was doing her scenes with no makeup. Makes sense -- you don't tend to curl your lashes and put on three coats of mascara when you're recovering from major surgery -- but it's still a gutsy move for any actress to make.
And yes, we were touched when she told Jamie to lend Clay the Magical Healing Star. Yes, we bought both her putting-on-a-brave-face act and her completely-losing-it act. We have no idea what's wrong with us -- we're TOTALLY getting soft.
Or are we? Read on for our take on Nathan's offer, Victoria's prison sentence, Mouth's podcast, and more!
Nathan and Haley
We were yelling along with Spectral Clay when Nate talked about donating his kidney. We're really glad he wasn't a match -- it just would have been too much. Besides, unless he's got one hell of a money manager, Nate should probably play at least one more season. Yeah, yeah, we know, his back could be going, but we can't imagine him quitting the game before his time is truly up.
We did have a moment of confusion when Nate stopped by the horse corral after discovering he wasn't a match. Would that be Dan's corral? we wondered. Because, sure, he could demand a kidney from Dan, but a man with that many health problems probably wouldn't be allowed to donate and organ. Or, wait, is he planning on taking a horse kidney? Because that…wouldn't work. But we were so fixated on that idea that we probably didn't give enough credit to his breakdown scene. Sorry Nate, we're weird that way.
Haley had less of an Emmy-reel role this week, but she delivered as always. We can always count on Hales…
Brooke and Julian and Victoria
OK, who saw Victoria's prison stint coming? We were mildly shocked, but it makes sense -- she is the one who committed the crime, so she should be the one to do that time. Plus, come on, you KNOW Bitchtoria will completely run that prison yard. No one would dare cross her!
Brooke and Julian had some touching moments thinking about kids -- and we loved them both punting Jamie's where-do-babies-come-from question. Does anyone else want to take up a collection and send him couple of age-appropriate books? The kid needs some answers!
Mouth and Millie
Well, Mouth and Millie ended up in bed together… sure, why not. That plotline didn't serve much purpose this week, expect perhaps to set up Mouth's sports-movie podcast, which was thuddingly obvious. But hey, we have to respect a fellow podcaster, so we'll give Mouth a break. Heck, he can come by, podcast with us, and maybe pick up a few more listeners!
Quotes, moments and other thoughts
We loved Julian and Jamie bonding over the prospect of sugary treats in the cafeteria. Jamie: Sweet! Julian: Literally!
We're glad Nate told Haley about his back. We kind of wish he'd told her right at the beginning, but what the heck, we'll take it. Now, Haley, do you have anything YOU want to share?
We're bummed Will died for all sorts of reasons, but mostly for this: When Clay started worrying that he was responsible for Quinn getting shot, Will shut him down: "No, crazy is crazy. Not your fault." Amen to that!
Jamie wanting to buy confetti for Clay's waking-up party was adorable. Clay HAD to live after that!
What's your take onto episode? Did you get teary-eyed, or were those eyes rolling too much from Mouth's sports-movie voiceovers? Are you expecting Victoria to rule the prison? How happy are you that Clay lived? Talk about it in the comments!
"I probably should have picked a higher-cut shirt to run around in..."
With the bar-torching hippies, asexual genitalia jokes and students sleeping with their teachers, the residents of Portland are certainly living up to Baze's T-shirt. But it's the brown paper-wrapped school books, pressure to succeed and universal belief that beer and basketball solve everything that has us thinking maybe Portland is pretty darn traditional.
Oh wait, except for the father who sleeps with everyone's sister and the new husband having to deal with a new stepdaughter, new wife and new ex-flame all in one year. Never mind.
Houseguests, old fish and really messy sisters
Cate is finally at the end of her rope with Paige, who insists on putting empty food containers back into the fridge (Okay, we have to point out that we are totally guilty of this. Obligatory male in the room can be heard shouting "Unbelievable!" at the full-yet-empty fridge on many a night). But the final blow comes when Cate eats some lovely homemade banana bread left out for breakfast. Ordinarily, Cate's response to the bread -- having an overly large tongue, talking a lot and eating, eating, eating -- would be out of place, except that it's "special" banana bread baked by Paige. After coming down from her buzz, Cate reminds Ryan that it could have bee Lux who ate it, which is "definitely not okay."
To top it off, Cate finds $300 missing from her wallet and immediately thinks it's Paige's handiwork. Not wanting to blame his sister, Ryan plays devil's advocate and says it could be Lux. Both ladies are confronted, and Lux flips out for being blamed for the crime, while Paige just outright lies. Turns out Baze put her on the hook for half of the bar's damages -- $10,000 -- and she starts panning for gold around the Thomas household. When she finds Cate's wad of cash it goes right into Baze's unknowing hands. Hey Paige: When Baze said he needed your half, he didn't mean that day. Slow your roll.
Read on for more family weirdness, including corporate Baze...
Yuppie suits you, Baze
Baze struggles at his first day of work, not realizing that when Emma asked him to be in for markets opening, that the markets actually existed in New York aka a much earlier time zone. Ever heard of a little avenue called Wall Street? Guess not.
Baze manages to make it up to her by procuring two celebrities to play in a charity golf outing with a client: Ryan and Kelly. Looking to drum up some good press after making a debacle of her first day as producer (let's just say pot banana bread, live mikes, and disdain for one of your hosts do not make good bedfellows), Cate agrees to send her talented hosts. However, Kelly gets whacked in the noggin with an errant golf ball and Cate has to step in. Cate is furious with Ryan after Lux's accusation-spurred tirade, which Baze overhears in an attempt to keep the talent in check in front of his client. After hearing about the stolen money, Baze tells Cate and Ryan that Paige gave him the same amount of cash. Of course, Baze then had to admit why Paige owed him money and the ensuing scream-fest chased the client right off to the clubhouse bar.
Baze goes to apologize and tells him that Emma will be handling his assets, not him, and he's just the new guy trying to make good. This seems to work, since the client calls Emma and says he'd be happy to work with their firm. See? There's some of the booze-solves-everything theory at work.
Overachieving is hard...
Lux is feeling the pressure from her parents on the academic and extracurricular front. Baze wants her to try out for basketball to learn about teamwork and Nike sponsorships or something and Cate is encouraging her to keep her grades up. With another test looming for which she is, yet again, unprepared, Lux overhears some of Jones's friends talking about their cheating scheme and wants in. She sets up a fake date with Jones and the gang to get in on their plan and tells Cate she's been studying all along. Oh, did we mention Jones is back? He is, with a less Beiber-esque hairstyle.
The day of the test arrives, and the exam-switching seems to go off without a hitch, until Math reveals that the original tests were marked. Lux and her partners in crime are busted and Baze and Cate go in for another parent-teacher conference. Lux tells them that she's never had a proper education before, so all of this studying and being academically involved isn't going to come naturally. Besides, that's not who she is. Maybe not, says the sage Math, but it is who she wants to be.
...but dealing with your family is harder
Stung by her thieving ways, Ryan kicks Paige out and is completely bummed. But Cate brings him a beer and a pep-talk, which seem to help. Meanwhile, Baze is at home enjoying a brew of his own when Lux comes in with a basketball. She doesn't just want to learn how to dribble, she wants to learn how to be a better kid. Math gets her suspension knocked down to detention after her cheating is exposed, but don't worry -- he has the perfect tutor to get her back on the scholastic path: Mr. Daniels.
In the end, everyone gets together for some family basketball, Ryan and Baze team up and Ryan and Cate write him a check for Paige's half of the damages on the bar. See? Basketball helps!
What did you all think of the episode? Think Baze is cut out for his new job? How long will Paige stick around? Will Lux get back together with Jones or will Mr. Daniel's dreamy good looks thwart Jone's best intentions? Comment away, good readers!
Notes n' Quotes
Emma: Oh right, the illegitimate one...
Cate: Maybe my mouth is getting smaller...
Cate: How do I get un-high?
Baze: Are you anywhere near a hot tub?
Cate: No.
Baze: Then I can't help you.
Cate: It would be a shame if the audience pictured her with gender-neutral doll genitalia.
Baze: Hot tubs, they really do sober you up, so I was being helpful.
Lux: Sounded like a bad episode of "Saved By The Bell"...which is redundant.
Paige: You are a lot nicer when you're wasted.
Lux: I stole the answers from Math's man-purse.
Math: It's a CARRY-ALL.
Emma: It's more depressing than an episode of "The Biggest Loser."
Final Thoughts
"The early bird gets the worm"? Is it just us, or is that phrase a little dirty in the present context?
Can we just say we love Math? He is so wise.
Personally, we see Lux as more of a soccer player. Suppose it's her stature. Also, what is this, intramural basketball? Why is this a coed practice? Portland IS weird...
The long-awaited Britney/Brittany episode of Glee finally arrived and we were...surprised? It was definitely an off-the-wall episode, but then, so is the subject matter. We were wowed by the dancing and finally discovered what we knew all along -- that underneath that chaste Cheerios top Brittany has been sporting the killer abs we'd literally kill for. Maybe we should take up a life of professional dancing...
He might be Emma's dentist, but he'll always be our Uncle Jesse
John Stamos has finally made an appearance and his character Carl is everything Emma deserves. He's dreamy, funny, confident and knows how to have a good time. Plus, he doles out drugs for safely controlled hallucinogenic trips involving pop stars and music video montages. So what we're saying is, he's basically perfect. Plus, he knows how to let go, something, says Emma, that Schue doesn't.
When Schue invites Dr. Carl to come talk to the kids about dental hygiene, he starts to realize what maybe his life was a little too hygienic. Schue himself doesn't get one of Dr. Carl's gas mask freak-outs, but he does get some interesting life advice: let loose a little. Oh, and stay away from Emma.
Read on for more Britney and nonsensical plot devices.
Me and my shadow
Kurt suggests that the glee club do a tribute to Britney Spears (and pushes a little too far with Schue, which lands him in Figgins' office), but Schue gives an adamant and resounding no -- she isn't a role model he wants for the glee club. What about Michael Bolton?
Brittany agrees with him, but not for the same reasons. Brittany's full name is Brittany S. Pierce, or Brittany Spears as far as she's concerned, and she's been living in the pop star's shadow her whole life. We don't really see how this applies since no one seems to have known what her last name was until tonight, but then, very little of what comes out of Brittany's mouth makes sense. And we are all very grateful for that.
But you know what's good for low self-esteem, Britt? A trip in the dentist's chair. After a drug-addled dream in which Brittany sees herself perform "I'm a Slave 4 U" and later "Me Against The Music" with Santana along for the ride, Brittany comes to realize that she has a lot of talent -- in fact, more talent than anyone in the club. And she'll be taking all the solos from now on, thankyouverymuch.
Though it seems a bit tangential and a round-about means of getting the star on screen, we're glad Britney was introduced this way. There's only so many times Ryan Murphy can have a celebrity come to Lima, Ohio -- Olivia Newton-John was already a stretch. Plus, we got to see some amazing production value with the recreation of Spears' music videos. But never mind all that. The focal point of these two numbers is -- quite rightly -- Heather Morris. It's great catching snippets of her dancing on the Cheerios, but this was an entirely different view. The dancing was superb, and although the suspended reality was a bit jarring, she was still amazing to watch. Unfortunately Santana seems to be floundering a bit in Brittney's wake. You can roll around in those leaves all you want, but you can't match Britt's moves.
Just say no to drugs...and Britney Spears
Meanwhile, Rachel and Finn are having self-esteem issues of their own. She feels threatened by his attempt to get back on the football team, while he just misses the game and the guy he was while he was playing it. Rachel similarly takes a trip to Dr. Carl to check out her plaque-covered teeth and gets a shot-for-shot reenactment of "Baby One More Time" under the gas. We're still cracking up from the look of longing she shoots dream Finn from the stands. She might be playing Britney, but that was classic Rachel.
Taking a tip from her hallucinogenic muse, Rachel shows up for school in the cropped school uniform, saying that it's okay to feel sexy and pretty again. Seeing Rachel in this garb sends Jacob Ben Israel over the edge, and he's later caught by Sue watching an interview clip with Rachel in the AV room au naturel. After interviewing poor, nude Jacob, Sue confronts Schue and tells him to steer clear of Britney Spears, or else everything that's good and holy in this world (we're assuming she just means McKinley High) will disappear. Schue gets the message, but Emma's lingering advice has given him another idea. He's giving in, the kids are doing Britney, and he's performing it with them at the pep rally.
Britney + guys = boy band
Artie likewise pays Dr. Carl a visit and has a vision of himself on the football team. He later tells Finn that they were "unstoppable," which we don't quite understand because there was no opposing team. What was unstoppable was Artie's performance. This was probably our favorite number of the episode for the musical performance alone. McHale and the other boys really showed off their pipes in this one, and the best part was we didn't see it coming.
When you add Schue to the mix for the club's Cabaret-style performance of "Toxic," you get the screaming fans. Just as Sue predicted, all hell breaks loose when the kids in the audience get over-sexed by the glee club's number.
First of all, can we just say how hilarious/disturbing Jacob and Lauren Zizes' fevered screams were during this? We couldn't believe how far they were pushing it. However, we're going to have to throw a stick in the gears, here. The school needed a sexy outlet in musical form and it was Britney Spears that did it? Not Madonna? Spears is a pop star, not a sexual provocateur. Frankly, we would have been more turned on by "Express Yourself," but then we have to remember that Madonna was perhaps before these high schoolers' time. Then again, so is Britney.
That said, it was an excellent number. We loved the pared-down version of the pop hit and the costumes were sensual without being overly sexy. We were having trouble suppressing giggles when Kurt was flapping two bowler derbies over Mercedes' boobs, though...
You can't just explode your talent all over the walls
In the end, it's Rachel and Emma who turn down the insanity. Emma tells Schue that she still wants him to be himself, just more relaxed, not turn into some flashy guy. Schue counters that the boring guy he is wasn't good enough for Emma, so he'd rather be someone else. However, where his singing and dancing is concerned, we think this is Schue at his most elemental. Wasn't it the pilot episode when Emma showed Schue a video of his younger self belting one out on stage and told him "that's you the happiest I've ever seen you"? Sure, he shouldn't be dancing around with the kids, but his need to perform and show off that sexy pizazz is exactly who he is.
Rachel finally jumps off the Britney bus that everyone has been riding and issues a melodic apology to Finn for trying to stop him from playing football. Her rendition of "The Only Exception" just the mellowing element needed to de-tox the episode. Plus, we get to see her and Finn enjoying each other for just who they are, a jock and a music geek.
So to answer your first question: No, Rachel that was not real life. That was a "fragmented everyday haze of confusion," as Kurt put it, or basically, a trip into Brittany's mind. It's a nice place to visit, but we sure wouldn't want to live there.
Notes N' Quotes
Schue: Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?
Brittany: He discovered America.
Kurt: I have a bad feeling about this lesson...
Rachel: Can we move on?
Schue: Yes. Let's talk about Michael Bolton.
Emma: The other day he made me buy green grapes and red grapes at the market and we mixed them up in a bowl and we ate them! It was madness, sheer madness!
Santana: Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?
Carl: Yeah, I get that all the time,
Santana: I mean you can drill me ANY time...
Brittany: I thought Dr. Pepper was a dentist.
Brittany: This looks like the one on the spaceship where I was probed.
Brittany: Are you a cat?
Rachel: I'm actually kind of glad about it. That way I don't have to fantasize about what song I'd sing at your bedside if you were in a coma.
Santana: So get up in my grill because Britt and I want to get out anesthesia on.
Rachel: I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them.
Azimio: You can hit me as many times as you want as long as you got that on!
Brittany: It looks like a Jewish cloud...
Sue: It's like an inkblot test, that butt sweat stain.
Puck: I'm really pressed for time, I gotta throw Artie's wheelchair off the roof in like five. (We know it's from the commercial, but it's just too damn funny to leave out)
Santana: Suddenly you're way hotter to me. Weird.
Sue: Mayor Richard Daley became so incensed that he punched his own wife in the face...
Sue: I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of "Blossom."
Finn: U.S. History? Crap, I forgot I was taking that...
Final Thoughts
Terri's back, crazier than ever! Think she might go all "Fatal Attraction" on Schue?
That was really sweet of Quinn to help out Rachel, so she's not entirely back to her evil ways.
Are we really to assume there are no rules for wheelchairs in high school football? No.
Glee returns, and even though it's not a CW show, we can't resist talking about it. Janine, Lindsey and Itry to figure out what's up with Rachel -- is she slightly stupid, or is she just acting like a teenage girl? We greet with arrival of Coach Bieste -- and her nonsequiters -- with utter joy, and hail one of Sue's best quotes of all time. Plus, we pick the best song, the song that made no sense in context, and debate how Bieberesque Chord Overstreet really is. Check it out!
We were hovering in limbo with Quinn and Clay, waiting for our podcast host to get us back into the land of the living. Fortunately, like Quinn, we emerged from our fog, and voila! One Tree Hill podcast! We discuss the interminable time in limbo; suggest a spin-off for Julian and Jamie; continue to wonder why we'e watching Alex, Chase and Mia; and find out more than we needed to about Mouth. All this plus more of Darcel's plot advancement schemes.... check it out!
Our podcast host finally has us back up, so here's your (slightly late) helping of Gossip Girl podcasty goodness! The girls say goodbye to Paris -- and hello to one Henry Prince, who looks remarkably like the Chuck Bass we know and (in some cases) love. We get a fantastic scene of Chuck and Blair int he train station, but the rest of the ep had us scratching our head. Who sends their daughter to a morgue in a foreign country to identify a body? Why would Lily think Rufus wouldn't know Dan's blood type? How pathetic (and yet oddly satisfying) was the scene of Serena realizing her men had moved on? All this, plus fashion, conspiracy theories and more in this weeks (delayed) podcast!
LUX interview: Kris Polaha could have been Don Draper. No, really.
Cate might not want to hear what Baze has to say half the time, but we sure do!
Kris Polaha, who plays Nate Bazile on Life Unexpected, chatted with us about what's in store for Baze, his evolution as a father and Polaha's own experience with fatherhood. Here's a spoiler: It involves superhero costumes. Awesome.
There's also more on Polaha's early acting career and his stint on Mad Men as creepy neighbor Carlton. Turns out he was in line for the for another role on the show, too...
Baze seems to suffer from a Peter Pan complex; he never really wants to grow up and that gets him into some trouble. Will this continue to be a big problem for him or will he become a bit more mature and avoid some of his common stumbling blocks?
This season he’s forced to find a new job as a financial analyst. Even though he had just owned a bar it’s not such a far stretch because it is his dad’s company. And, you know, he knows who Warren Buffet is and knows about venture investing, and he studied business in college. And then he meets Emma, who I think will propel him to do better. He doesn’t take himself very seriously, he thinks of himself as a joke, and he doesn’t want to be a joke anymore. It’s kind of a compelling story arc to play because I signed on for this ne’er-do-well, who, in the end, wants to be a worthy guy for Lux. And he sees that Ryan is this stand-up guy, and Cate chose Ryan, so he thinks that maybe if he had changed she would have chosen me. So he’s really going to try harder to be a better guy
It looks like his new job will be a big shift from being a small business owner. Will Baze have trouble with this transition?
Oh man! Well, you should’ve seen me squirm with the wardrobe crew. “Shave your face! Comb your hair! Put on this monkey suit!” It was so uncomfortable, I was like “Baze doesn’t wear this stuff!” But I don’t think it’s going to be the job that will be trouble for him, because he knows his stuff. It will be more of the culture and everything else that comes with the job.
More fatherly moments, trips to the 60s and an aversion to ties after the jump!
Which of Baze’s jobs would you rather have for yourself, bar owner or business executive?
I’d rather be a small business bar owner. You don’t answer to anybody, your job doesn’t make you want to jump off a building, you don’t have to wear a suit and tie. The last one is actually kind of why I wanted to be an actor. My dad was an attorney and he had these beautiful suits, and I remember watching this almost ceremonial dressing in the morning. He was such a hard worker, it was something like a blue collar work ethic for a white collar job. He’s a judge now, he’s 71, and he’s still kicking ass.
You have two kids of your own. Do you find a lot of parallels between what you experience as a father and what Baze experiences?
Not so much, because my experience is first of all with boys and second of all, with babies. When I started on the show they were 4- and 2-years-old.
But Brittany [Robertson] and I have a really great working relationship, it’s more in line to a big brother/little sister thing. On camera what’s interesting about Baze is that he didn’t know how to be a dad or be affectionate towards Lux. In the beginning he just sort of taps her on the head and at the end he hugs her when the adoption is complete. This season he can show a lot more affection, he can put his arm around her and hug her, but he had to learn all of that. For me, it was a totally different experience, I got to bring them into the world. It was something that I experienced from the beginning.
There is one scene that is really similar though, I can actually give you a spoiler -- spoiler alert! In episode 208 there is a line that Baze has that I’m going to rip right out of my own life, where there’s a point where I’m talking to Lux and kind of treating her like a child and I do this thing I use my own children. I use my very serious voice and I say, “You guys, I’m going to count to three, and if you don’t do this at three you’ll be in trouble. One. Two. Three." But, of course Lux is 16 so she just has some snarky remark for me.
Lux and Baze seem to have a lot of fun together. What do you do with your family when you want to relax and have fun?
It’s a really creative household, we have a constant supply of paints and crayons and the kids are constantly dressing up as Batman and Superman, but then they make up their own characters. Caleb, the older one, has his own character, C-Man. The C is for Caleb, then there’s Super C, which is our younger son, Micah. I asked Caleb why it wasn’t Super M, and he told me it was because Micah had a “c” in it. I guess they need a theme. Literally, if you were a fly in the wall in our house you’d see them run in from school and they strip down and put on their superhero costumes and they’re superheroes for the rest of the night. Caleb brought his C-Man costume for show and tell, and he was telling the kids about it, but he wouldn’t put it on. All the kids wanted to see it, but he didn’t want the kids to see his secret identity. Later I was talking with his teacher and she said when he finally put it on the kids were amazed; they looked at him like he was a real superhero. He puffed out his chest and played the part so well and now C-Man is all the kids ever talk about.
What are C-Man’s powers?
His superpowers are undefined. C-Man had a gun for a little while that would render people useless, then it was a rope, it’s always changing. But that’s what we do for fun in our house, we play, we pretend.
A lot of family dramas serve to illustrate family values through flawed, but generally good characters, much like Baze. When you were growing up, was there any father figure on TV that you looked up to?
I never really related to a TV dad. There just wasn’t a character I saw on TV and thought, “I wish that were my dad.” The two shows that I watched that had father figures were The Cosby Show and Growing Pains, and I liked those father characters because they were cool. Actually, when I was a kid you know who was awesome? Atticus Finch. He was just such an amazing character, he had so much integrity.
When did you first get into acting?
High school -- I did all the plays in high school. A lot of people find their place, what they’re really good at, in high school, and I happened to be really good at acting. All of a sudden people, girls, responded to me for the first time. Teachers were lenient on me, they were like, “Oh I saw you in the play, you were great! I get why you’re dedicating your time to that. You don’t have to bother with the homework tonight.” It was like I was given the keys to the kingdom. (Laughs)
Do you have a preference between stage and television acting?
I always say that actors are junkies because we get this buzz, and in theater the payoff, the rush is so immediate. It’s like a high-wire act. And it’s like an actor-controlled medium. Ultimately it’s this relationship that you can tangibly feel between you, your partner on stage and the audience. When I did “Bread and Butter” my character has to confront this woman that he married. He works for her father and had to give up being and artist and she embodies everything that he hates, and he essentially has to do this thing and then go kill himself. And I remember this feeling like light gets switched -- the 500 people in the audience are onto you, and you can feel this bond. You can make a great living doing television, but I would love to more stuff on stage.
You also had a recurring role on Mad Men as the neighbor Carlton. What was it like playing a family man in more of a dystopian environment?
Will we see more of Carlton? They actually asked me to come on again, but I couldn’t due to scheduling with Life Unexpected.
Carlton was such a deeply crooked character, almost like a crow. There’s this scene where they have a neighbor over who is divorced and Carlton sort of creepily comes onto her, and I wanted him to be this really long, crooked, hunched-over kind of person. The reason I got Carlton is because I actually met with Matthew about six times to be Don Draper. In the end Matt was like, “Look I really like you, but you’re just too young.”
That’s not too far-fetched. Baze and Don are both flawed characters that you like despite their problems.
Yeah, they’re both stumbling over their own humanity, I think. That’s what I like about Life Unexpected, it’s about these really flawed people, but that’s what families are. The joy of it is you keep working through it. It’s a reminder that not everyone in your life is perfect and you just have to overcome those problems.
Do you enjoy acting more in a period setting like Mad Men or more modern like Life Unexpected?
Being in that era is fun, [but] I like modern because I don’t like wearing a suit. Every time I had to go to Mad Men I had to get a Mad Men haircut, it was so short! I’d spend the rest of the year growing it out. Just little, superficial things like that.
If you had to stop acting tomorrow, what other career would you like to pursue?
My kids just started school across the street in Vancouver and the teacher asked me to come in to teach a drama class to the high school aged kids. One of them actually asked me that and I honestly didn’t have an answer. But if I didn’t have to worry about qualification, I’d love to be a rock star. Like Bono, that guy has it made.
But I get a lot of joy out of acting. I feel really fortunate and really blessed in the career I have. I knew what I wanted to do when I was 14 and I was able to pursue it.
Serena and Blair attempt to parse Juliet's hair color
Like Serena, we too thrill at the idea of starting a new school year. Maybe we just long for those heady days of simultaneously studying and socializing instead of the laborious nine to five daily grind, but it’s good to see the Gossip Girl gang preparing for a new semester and new chapter in their lives. Serena joins the college fold at Columbia where Blair also plans on making a fresh start in a prestigious semi-secret society. Officially over Serena, Nate parlays his sick puppy dog act on Juliet (does he ever do anything other than follow girls around?) while Chuck wows Eva with the bright lights of New York and tries to make amends with Lily and Rufus. Dan and Vanessa contemplate playing house with Milo until Georgina returns after having an epiphany on the beaches of St. Barts to take what is rightfully hers. And never once did anyone show up for class or break open a book. Ahh the college life. Here are some other thoughts:
Best upgrade: The Gossip Girl site was down for a bit of maintenance, but returned with a vengeance and the ability to stream live video. The wonders of technology never cease.
Best comeback: It’s a tie between Dorota and Eric. Both are sights for sore eyes. Apparently Eric still has a boyfriend and a deep-seated hatred for Chuck and Dorota watches too much “Law and Order: SVU” in her spare time.
Best “Pretty Woman” moment: Chuck taking Eva shopping and watching her try on expensively fabulous outfits. We didn’t quite get a fashion musical montage, but it did the trick.
Best life lesson: Serena realizing that college, like life, is just high school all over again. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but people never change and the pettiness encountered on the steps of Constance Billard will follow Serena to her grave.
Continue reading for details on three men named Boris, trinkets from Tiffany & Co. and a mysterious prisoner.
Best accessory: A key necklace from Tiffany & Co. to state to Columbia students across campus that you are better and more important than them. This pricey trinket found its way around Blair’s neck and not Serena’s thanks to a scheming Juliet. How can Juliet afford Columbia tuition when she can’t even afford a nice suit? And isn’t Juliet a redhead? Why did Serena refer to her as a blonde? We’re slightly offended.
Worst excuse: Georgina got knocked up by a scary Russian and his wife hired three men named Boris to kill her, so she escaped to Dan’s loft. With Georgina anything is possible, but this seems outrageous even for her.
Best catfight: We all know Serena and Blair have come to fisticuffs in the past. Hell, a mere two episodes ago, Blair pushed Serena into a fountain, so we were truly fooled by the fake hair-pulling, shoving, pushing and stinging verbal barbs they filmed to expose Juliet’s manipulative ways. It’s too bad Nate can’t see through her fakery.
Worst insult: Poor Eva got slammed twice in this episode. First, Blair gave her a talking to while she was trying on dresses and then Chuck blatantly dismissed her in front of Rufus and Eric. Chuck had his reasons as did Blair, but Chuck was trying to save the relationship in a misguided way while Blair just reeked of sour grapes. We understand that Chuck broke her heart, but she could have him back if she really wanted to put up with him.
Best living situation: Serena’s new room at Blair’s is to die for. Vanessa can schlep her stuff over to Dan’s nifty loft and Eva can fill the drawers at Chuck’s penthouse with her peasant girl blouses, but we choose Blair’s not-so-humble abode.
Juliet meets a mysterious man in prison who seems to be both her lover and accomplice in this mission to take down Serena. Who is he? Have we seen him before? Men come and go on this show in such a way that it is hard to keep track. Did Dan dodge a bullet with Milo’s exit or will he forever be after the baby that got away? Should Rufus and Eric forgive Chuck and welcome him back into the fold of their waffle-eating family? What do you think?
"It's not you, it's me. I just don't know if I can get on board with the 90's grunge look again..."
Well well, this week's episode of 90210 was certainly rife with reveals, was it not? No sooner does Annie suspect her boss of statutory ulterior motives, than we're told what she was really after all along. We find out why Ivy is one tough nut to crack and who Teddy's been spending champagne-laced evenings with. Too bad one of those wasn't a surprise. Oh well, guess two out of three ain't bad.
Ivy, Dixon and Oscar McAccent
Ivy and Dixon are tentatively getting back into the swing of things after the body shot debacle, but Oscar is still intent on meddling in the relationship. He "accidentally" lets slip that Ivy is a virgin and Dixon is suddenly on the offensive citing Ivy's trust issues. Even though Oscar was trying to get into her pants (not hard, those are some really baggy overalls. Then again, those snap things can be tricky...), we have to admit he's kind of right. Ivy shouldn't be lying to Dix about her sexual past, or lack thereof. We have to cut her some slack since she lives in something of a man's world, where admitting virginity is a tough thing to do.
She makes up for it by confiding in Dixon her most well-guarded secret: Her M.I.A. dad lives less than 10 minutes away with a new wife and kids, and nary a thought to his first abandoned daughter. Now Laurel's underage late-night activities don't seem so bad.
Read on for more creepy, completely nonsensical scenarios!
Annie
After getting some particularly physically-targeted compliments from her boss, Annie assumes that she must be getting hit on. Ordinarily, we'd advise her to consider some alternative theories, but the Katherine's undeniable giddyness when Annie is around is enough to make even us feel a little uncomfortable. But wait, no, logic prevails when Annie discovers the boss is married...to a man (hey, it's California and there was that Prop 8 window). But not before Annie gave yet another hilarious/painfully awkward monologue/ramble about how boy crazy she is, laying it on entirely too thick. Isn't this girl trying to be an actress? You know, preferably not on a soap opera?
Things get even creepier when husband starts to ogle Annie as well, leading to the only logical conclusion: They're swingers! Oh, if only that were true. Turns out Boss and Mr. Boss can't have children and are looking to buy some of Annie's eggs. Despite the incredibly weird and inappropriate way they went about propositioning her, we think Annie could look a little more flattered. Someone being so impressed with you that they want to raise someone with one of your X chromosomes is probably the best compliment you could receive. Or no, wait. They want to pay you for the honor. That's better.
Ade and righteously-angered Uncle
We love it when our 90210er's mistakes come to bite them on the bum. Well, only when they really deserve it. After singing Javier's song at his memorial service -- which is pretty much the biggest metaphysical slap in the face she could have delivered -- Ade goes viral when a recording of the performance is posted on YouTube. Apparently she's more popular than some talking baby (but not more popular than the smoking baby, obviously). Adding to the clicks is Javier's uncle, who recognizes the song from a demo his nephew recorded six months before, and he is none too pleased. Ade gets asked to go on Entertainment Tonight and Uncle Luna is there to rain on her Ade parade. He'd like to know where she gets off stealing his nephew's music, and frankly, so would we.
Teddy
Poor Teddy finds himself groggily waking up from either a drunken one-night stand or the best pillow party EVER. What? We totally leave little love notes for our friends after fizz-addled pillow wars. We like to let them know we care.
At school however, he's all about making up his transgressions to Silver. This is difficult, seeing as she won't talk to him and a jealous Mr. Cannon gives him a 5,000-word essay assignment, sucking up his free groveling time. Instead, he uses a time capsule video Harper Feingold is spearheading and Silver is editing to get his point across, and it works. Silver forgives him and Harper makes fun of his lame-ass time capsule speech.
Unfortunately, the nightmare isn't over for poor Teddy, who is approached at school by his mysterious fling partner, Ian. This would have been awesomely shocking had it not been revealed a month ago. Nobody wins when you kiss and tell, CW.
Naomi, Silver and Mr. Cannon aka our school system at work
Mr. Cannon is growing increasingly more controlling over Silver, doling out extra homework to her wayward boyfriend and requesting her presence at his house. Is it just us, or shouldn't someone see a pattern after the 50th "Wow, what am I saying? THAT was inappropriate!" come out of a teacher's mouth? Just us? Okay, whatever.
Before Silver gets lured back to Casa de Cannon with the belief that a CNN alum wants the opinion of a 17-year-old on his revival of "Wild Kingdom," she sees a some very strange behavior exhibited in Naomi's capsule message. Naomi looks tired, depressed, deflated, and she's making weird, existentialist statements about mankind -- not at all her bitchy, effervescent self.
Why is she so tired? Well, she's not sleeping at night because she keeps reliving her attack, for starters. A concerned fellow student offers her some pity drugs to help, but we'll get to that later.
As Silver watches Mr. Cannon's documentary, he fixes them up a spot of tea: he, some lovely English Breakfast and her, some Rufilin Rooibos. But just as Silver is about to sip the brew, she realizes that the voice-over in Cannon's film matches Naomi's weird tangent in the video capsule, and suddenly it clicks. Silver drops the tea and heads for the exit after some surprisingly impressive acting. She goes to talk to Naomi only to find her passed out from a nightcap of red wine and pills. The girl chat will have to wait.
Things certainly seem to be spiraling out of control this week. What did you guys think? Will Silver and Naomi finally bring down Mr. Cannon -- and is Naomi even up to the job? What will Uncle Luna do to Ade? Will Teddy come clean about his fling? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Liam: Years? I don't even know where I'll be 10 days from now.
Liam: If I can't be there tonight I just want to say one thing: Teddy, how did you get so fat??
Ivy: Dixon's like this puppy. Even when he pees on the couch you can't stay mad at him because he didn't mean to do it.
Laurel: This is a memorial service, not Bonnaroo.
Oscar: Love the gams, Dixon.
Random Hot Girl: No offense, but you look like you haven't slept in weeks.
Naomi: No offense, but I liked your old nose better.
Final Thoughts
Who is this Harper girl and why have we not seen more of her before? She is MAGNIFICENT.
We actually kind of loved the video collage at the beginning. Aww, we remember dreams!
These kids find the most awkward times to talk about Ivy's virginity. 1. While you're sweaty and wrestling another man, 2. In the middle of the school walkway. This is kind of a private matter, kids. Find a broom closet or something if it can't wait.
Yes, Silver, that African figurine is really cool. And available for $7.99 at Cost Plus World Market. We are still reeling from your acting skills with Mr. Cannon though. Finally, more proof that you're the smart one.
Dean, we came back from beyond the grave for an intervention. Winchesters don't play golf.
That's right, the boys are back on Supernatural! As you may remember, I had a spirited internal debate about season six back when we first heard inklings about it, and after this episode… well, I still can't tell. Yes, the episode had the requisite fun and fights and emotional turmoil, but we're not sure that's enough. It still feels funny to be hanging out with the Winchester brothers in a post-apocalypse world.
It also seems weird seeing Dean… happy, for lack of a better word. He's got a normal life, a normal car, (wait, where's the Metallicar?) a good relationship with Lisa and Ben, and no monsters popping up at random. Except… well, there was that screaming he heard. And claw marks on telephone poles. And … holy crap, is that Old Yellow Eyes?
The reunion
Nope, it's Sam with a ginormous hypodermic needle, which he drives into Dean's heart! Eep! Sam is back because… ok, we have no idea. He has no clue either, and he's been wandering around for a year trying to figure it out.
We reacted to his much like Dean did: Sam's been back for a YEAR? And he never let Dean know? That's cold, man. Yeah, yeah, we get what he and Bobby (yes, Bobby knew too) are saying -- Dean was out and happy, and they wanted him to stay that way. But dude -- shouldn't DEAN get to make that decision? And don't you think it would be nice for him to know that his brother was not, in fact, being tortured in the worst pit of hell for all eternity?
Read on to find out what we think about the Campbell Clan, Bobby's decor, and more, after the jump!
Of course, Dean immediately does what Sam and Bobby feared -- he tells Lisa he's got to leave her in order to keep her and Ben safe. That doesn't go over well.
Oh well. We got a brother hug. That was nice.
The monsters of the week
Dean was hit up with Djinn juice by the children of the one they'd killed way back in Season 2. Fortunately, Sam had Djinn antidote, which he got from… Grampa Campbell! Yep, he's back from the dead, too, and he doesn't know why either. He's got a trio of the boys' second- or third-cousins out hunting with them, and he'd love for Dean to join their merry band. But first, they need to eliminate the djinn infestation.
The boys try to draw the Djinn out by acting as bait, but first they attack Dean's neighbors. Dean rushes off to try to help them, even though Sam says they're already dead. Sure enough, the neighbors are toast, and Dean gets hit with a double dose of Djinn juice, which makes him hallucinate that Lisa and Ben came back home and Old Yellow Eyes is waiting for them. He sees his worst nightmare -- Lisa in flames on the celling, Ben drinking demon blood, the works. Fortunately, Sam and the Campbell clan defeat the Djinn, and Sam saves Dean. Hooray!
The unexpected
And here's where things get weird. Instead of killing the last Djinn, Grampa Campbell spirits her away -- and he makes sure the boys don't know about it. Curious… and ominous. What's he up to?
But that's not the biggest surprise. That comes when Dean declines to go with Sam and the Campbells. He's going to bring Ben and LIsa back and resume his life with them, keep them safe by being with them instead of leaving them. He's really given up being a Hunter.
And Sam? He's disappointed, but not as much as he should be. He wants Dean along because Dean actually cares about the people they're trying to protect. Sam wouldn't have tried to save the neighbors, but Dean did without hesitation. Wait, so did Sam's compassion get sucked out when he was in the pit?
And that's it. Sam just LEAVES. Dean just STAYS. They're back, but they're not together. They may never be the same again. And we may never recover.
Favorite lines, great moments, and other thoughts
We loved Dean's explanation of what he did before moving in with Lisa: "Pest control. You have no idea what's in some people's walls. Could eat 'em alive."
That explanation came in handy when Sid caught Dean threatening a yippie dog with a gun. "I thought it was a possum. Remember when I said I was in pest control? Well, possums,carry rabies. Possums kill, Sid."
What did you think of the reunion? We're with Sam -- we thought Dean would have a stronger reaction. Granted, Dean thought he was dead, but still -- he did't even try to test whetherSam was a ghost, a demon or something else that goes bump int he night?
We were also expecting more of a reaction when Dean found out Sam had been back for a YEAR without telling him. "What, did you lose the ability to send a freaking text message? is a great line, but we wanted more.
We do NOT like the Campbell cousins. "My god, you have delicate features for a Hunter." Shut it, honey -- he and Sam saved the entire freaking WORLD, so you should show him some respect. Ditto the cousin who told Dean to leave it to "the professionals." Grrr.
Bobby's reaction to seeing Dean was priceless -- "Damn it!" He's right -- Dean showing up means something's wrong. Plus, now he has to admit he knew Sam was back but didn't tell him.
Bobby invites Lisa and Ben to make themselves at home with these words: "TV's broken, but there's plenty of Reader's Digests. Just don't touch the decor, ok? Assume it's all loaded." Hee!
We're with Sam-- we can't imagine Dean playing golf. Ever.
Grampa Campbell catches Dean up on all the post-apocalyptic weirdness: "Nocturnals attacking in broad daylight. werewolves out on the half moon, creatures that we've never even seen before….I'm knee deep in half eaten human hearts and exsanguinated 10-year-olds and it's all making me… uneasy." That's one way to put it…
We were not happy that the Metallicar was languishing in a garage. It helped save the world too, you know! And our jaws hit the floor when Sam turned down Dean's offer that he take the Metallicar. Sam, not only is it the Best! Car! Ever!!!, but Dean giving you that car is basically Dean giving you his heart, his blessing, and your childhood. That's the biggest gesture he could make, and you said no? You really ARE out of practice with compassion!
What the verdict on Sam? What's Grampa Campbell up to? What will it take for Dean to return to Hunting -- or should he return at all? Did the Season 6 premiere make you hopeful or wary about the return of the show? Talk!
Smallville: Awww yeah! Final Season, Season Premiere
Come on, son -- everyone know Kent men are too pretty to stay dead.
Remember the saying: if a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Well, the final season of Smallville looks to tweak that saying: "If someone sacrifices for the other, but they don't know it, will lessons be learned, will the world be saved, will they get a clue?"
All questions that better be answered in a way that doesn't give me the flux like the "Lost" finale did. It's a lot to do, a lot to ask for, but as a 10-year fan of the show, I put in the time, so time to pay up.
That said, this episode was a tad all over the place. But as the season premiere, it did set the stage for what's to come. Follow us after the jump to read about how daddy issues plague everyone, but aliens take it to a new level. Oh, and there's a smoke monster in this episode too! (To quote the Kool-Aid man: "Oh yeah!)
The show starts with Lois running to Clark's aid after he plummets from the ascension rooftop. He still has the blue kryptonite shiv stuck in him, so Lois puts her ear to his chest and listens. We're then thrust into Clark's mind, where he wakes up in Lawson's field. Suddenly, we hear Jor-El's voice from up on high after Clark sees what he thinks is his father's tombstone. Clark queries: Am I dead? But Jor-El tells Clark he's just teetering on the abyss between life and death (which FYI, is how Jor-El can speak to Clark). When Clark walks closer to the grave marker, he discovers it's his, not his father's. Jor-El reminds Clark this is all that will be left of him when he passes on.
Clark admits to Jor-El he died to save the world, but Jor-El says evil never ends. By sacrificing yourself, you left the humans on the planet open to future threats. Clark counters with the fact that the Justice League will continue the fight. But Jor-El says, hold on there…you and only you are supposed to be the world's greatest protector. And now they will have to face their greatest foe without him. OK, just going to interject here. This is A LOT of pressure to put on any one person AND could his father be any more vain. All parents think their child is special. Yes, Clark is very special. But to protect the entire human race!? No sick days, no real life, no regular 9-5? Clark thinks he controls his fate, but he keeps taking the challenge that Jor-El keeps setting down in front of him. He has no real choice if he keeps taking these tests. Why hasn’t he figured this out yet? Jor-El is the hard-core ogre who keeps testing his offspring with trials that are to strengthen his resolve, but basically just inches him closer to Norman Bates' territory.
Note to Smallville writers: The old adage of a man not being able to serve two masters is true. It was true thousands of years from now, and for alien races. So enough of messing with Clark's psyche. He has Lex, Zod, Tess, chess-named government black ops, and this yet-undescribed "darkness" to do all that. The guy has to have a break at some point. And longing looks and on-the-job smooch action with Lois is not enough, my friend. Trust me, it's not!
Sorry, I digress.
Clark tells Jor-El he's ready for a do-over. Being savior to a race does take practice, after all. Jor-El says I told you so…strength is how to rule, not martyrdom. Clark asks for a second chance, but Jor-El asks what makes you think you deserve one? But Clark makes a declaration that he will get it right this time. He want to be a hero. But then before he snaps out of his weird vision quest, he spots Lex in the cornfield, wearing the infamous white suit. Clark comes to when Lois de-shivs him. But Lois doesn't want Clark to know that she knows his real identity, so she scampers off when he starts moving. Clark shakes off the sucking chest wound and takes off, thinking no one saw him. Meanwhile, Lois is smirking reveling in her new knowledge of Clark.
Fast forward to Chloe seeing Green Arrow's last transmission before he was captured by an unknown kidnapper who admits on tape he's coming after all of the masked crusaders. Just about the same time, Clark comes to Chloe and admits he kind of died. Correction…more near-death experience. In any case, the greater evil is discussed and Dr. Fate mentions that this greater evil, aka Lex, will be Clark's ultimate opponent. Could Lex have gone underground? Possibly…but Chloe's feelers in all things Luthor haven't indicated Lex Luthor still exists. Then Chloe gets the idea that maybe a Lex project still remains. It would have to be a project that got its start before the digital age hit the population. If a trail is found, it could be where Lex is hiding out. So Chloe sends Clark off to the Daily Planet to get into archives to find the old location.
Clark zooms off to the workplace, where Lois is going through microfiche of Chloe's old high school articles about the lives saved in Smallville. Why the Planet would have this data, I don't know. But at least Lois is realizing she is the last to know Clark is the Blur. Just at that time Clark enters the archive room, where hr asks Lois why she isn't in Africa yet. Lois says she has postponed her trip--possibly indefinitely. Would that have anything to do with the Blur, he asks? Kind of. She thinks he needs her, after all. It was the great kiss that made that evident to her. Clark tells her that's a bit of a bold move with a smirk on his face. Lois wants to know more twisted fetishes of the Blur, but the flirtation stops when Lois asks why Clark is at the Planet. He's working on a story. So Lois takes the hint and drops her pen under the table so Clark can do his search without her knowing about it. He scans the file cabinets to find the Lex file. After the breeze of air hits her, she comes from under the table and confronts Clark with a "we need to talk" statement. There's so much to talk about, she says, just not now. So a rendezvous at the barn later awaits.
Romance on the back burner, Clark heads back to Chloe to crack the case of the missing Lex lab. But Chloe is not at Watchtower. She's at the Justice League meeting space where Nabu, the helmet is whispering to her. She asks the helmet to help her find Oliver. The helmet asks if she'll sacrifice her sanity to save the object she desires. The helmet then envelops her cranium.
Clark runs to her aid. Chloe is unconscious with the helmet next to her.
Cut to Oliver being tortured while blindfolded in a warehouse basement. The man doing the torturing figured out that the Kryptonian symbols around the world are somehow tied to Oliver's operating satellite. That seems a bit odd. But Oliver explains he's one of the good guys. And he's trying to save the world from little green men from outer space. Not a good enough answer, so then comes the electric shock treatment…
Then we finally come to Tess. Remember Lady Evil was disfigured last season on the left side of her face. Now Ms. Mercer wakes up in a lab with goo on that part of her face that has completely healed the scarring. Tess discovers she's in the Cadmus laboratory. She tries to escape, but not before realizing that the lab is a giant petri dish of Lex clones. Many deformed Lex Luthors float in tanks attached to machines, breathing from deep sea devices. Then Tess discovers a young child in a closet. He is Alexander and he tells the story about how all the Lex's were created to heal the creator, like they healed her. (And the government doesn't want to fund stem-cell research! Look to the comic books people! It's a no-brainer.) He turns around and shows Tess that he cut a portion of his stomach flesh off of his body to heal her wounds. But he also tells her, while he appears to be a normal child, the other Lexes--his brothers--weren't as fortunate. Some came out sick, some aged too fast, and then there's the Lex behind the locked door. He's the bad Lex. He grabs Tess and tells her he has all of Lex's memories, emotions, and he knows how much Tess cares about him. A fight ensues and Tess tells little Alexander to run. The psychotic Lex proceeds to torch his brothers in the lab seeing as how there can be only one Lex Luthor. Umm, watch Highlander much?
We head back to Chloe at Watchtower. Clark and the doc are working to resuscitate her. Apparently her body is suffering massive trauma. Clark whispers in her ear to fight. She's fighting for the rest of the world and they need her--don't give up. Chloe awakens and tells Clark about Oliver's abduction and the threat to the Justice League. Chloe couldn't lose Oliver, so she put on Fate's helmet. Clark is ready to run to rescue Oliver, but Chloe reassures him that it's going to be OK. She saw future Clark and saw him as the world's hero and he wasn't dressed in black. She also saw a fire in a lab. Cadmus is burning and he has to go. Clark jets away. But he doesn't hear Chloe say goodbye.
Meanwhile, in a barn far away, Lois is waiting for Clark. She's all smiles, when she happens upon a gift box with the Man of Steel's future primary color suit. "So much better in Technicolor," she says. Then there are footsteps behind her. Could it be Clark? The Blur? No. It's Lex. He knocks her out. This can come to no good.
Just when Clark should be at the farm, he's at the destroyed lab. He finds Tess tied up. Clark wants answers: why is she here, why is she not hurt? Tess admits she has no answers. Everyone else in the lab is dead, except her. She says a Lex clone caused the wreckage. It sounds crazy, but the incubated Lex's were created to help the real Lex heal. Clark frees Tess. And she tells how the older Lex killed them all, but kept her alive to deliver this message to Clark: "He knew you would rescue me and when that happened, it would finally be time to face off in Lawson's Field."
Lois is now in Lawson's Field, sporting a tank top with the "scarlet letter S" on it. She is the scarecrow wearing the mark of shame, according to Lex. Lois realizes its Lex who abducted her. After a good look at him, she asks what happened? His response: He's aged and more wise. Lex knows Lois is the Blur's/Clark's greatest weakness and tells Lois her death will break him. Lex walks off into the night, but not before torching the ground around Lois. Burn, baby, burn.
Clark and Lex meet on the edge of the field, where Clark asks where the real Lex is. The old, damaged Lex recounts the original Lex dying in a truck explosion two years ago. So why are the others alive, awake, and out? Lex created them to heal himself, of course, he just didn't live love enough to reap the benefits. The two reminisce about their original meeting and Lex tells Clark when he saved him from the bridge crash, pride snuck into Clark's heart--the most damning of the seven deadly sins. Now he wears that pride on his chest in that self-righteous S. Lex schools Clark that he is his own worst enemy. That's why Clark could never kill him, because they are so much alike -- almost like brothers. Clark doesn't think so. But doesn't Jor-El bring death and destruction wherever he goes, just like Lex? The final insult Luthor delivers is: "The only reason people call you hero, is because you clean up the disasters you unleash."
That was the final straw. Clark strangles him, but stops before killing him. Lex says he is dying and is sorry his frail body won't allow him to see the world turn on Clark. Lex lies dying on the ground and right before he expires he asks Clark who will he save? The hundreds of innocent commuters who will suffer the fallout from the Daily Planet bomb, or Lois in a Children of the Corn remake? Is he fast enough to save both? Lex doesn't think so.
Clark runs to Lois, puts out the flames with his super speed and sets Lois out of harm's way. Then the Blur runs to Metropolis, takes a flying leap in a cab and captures the Daily Planet globe before it falls to the street.
After which it's Miller time. Not really. It's time for the Superman suit and Clark to be transported to his Fortress. Clark tells Jor-El he did it right this time. He saved everyone. He doesn't know how, but he saved them all and became the hero, Jor-El meant for him to be. For a second, Clark said he thought he was flying.
Jor-El chides that Clark almost took a man's life. Clark has too much pride, vanity. He reiterates the greatest threat Earth will face is coming and prays on wavering souls like his son's. But what is that evil? The evil is Kal-El. Once the darkness consumes Clark, Earth's greatest enemy will be he. "You cannot be a beacon of hope, when you have darkness in your heart," Jor-El says.
"Then why give me a second chance?" asks Clark. Jor-El said he didn't. It wasn't his decision to give back his life.
Ouch! Can someone call Children of Family Services for an alien, absent father? This is abuse of a new order.
But Clark has a come back: "You may not see me as a hero, but the rest of the world does. I decide my fate!"
But Jor-El said his faith in his child blinded him to the truth. "You will never be Earth's savior."
Ummm, yeah. Burn.
Segue to the Green Arrow. He finally gets word from his torturer, he's being let go. Oliver says this is not over. He will hunt him down. But how? Oliver doesn't know who he is. But the torturer knows Oliver is Green Arrow.
Cut to Tess coming home to Lex's mansion with Alexander playing soldier in front of the fire. A glass of milk makes everything better. Even the death of your cloned brethren.
Next comes Chloe exchanging herself for Oliver's life with the captors in the middle of the night. The two touch shoulders, but Oliver doesn't know what's going on. Can there be any harder sacrifices?
Now we see Lois on a sand dune looking at a picture of her and Clark. She left a note for Clark at the farm saying she couldn't pass up Africa after all. No love Lois, or anything, just a one sentence "Dear John" letter.
Just when you see Clark's heart breaking, he looks up to see his Earth father working on the farm. Clark asks if he’s real. Jonathan Kent says he's always with him. But Clark wonders aloud, isn't he disappointed in him? Clark says he doesn't think he turned into the man Papa Kent raised him to be. But Papa Kent tells Clark he has turned out better than he could have hoped. Clark is glad at least one dad thinks so.
A one-on-one father/son talk ensues where Papa Kent talks about his anger issues and how his fury led him to want to kill Lionel. But that anger just killed him. Papa Kent tells Clark excuses can't be made for the dark stains on our hearts, and we all make sacrifices. And Clark has sacrificed more than anybody.
But frustrated Clark feels like every time he does something right, he does something wrong.
But it would all be easier if you were here, Clark tells his dad.
Papa Kent admits, he would do anything to get a second chance to get it right and see Clark become the greatest hero the world has ever known.
But Clark said Jor-El doesn't think so.
"Then prove him wrong," said Papa Kent.
Before Papa Kent disappears in the ether, he tells Clark Jor-El is right about one thing…something is coming. It won't be easy, you will be tested. But he has faith in him. Papa Kent vanishes before he can tell Clark what is coming. At the same time, on the very rooftop where the other Kryptonians ascended appears what looks to be the smoke monster from Lost, except he looks like a Spartan.
But rest assured, the Superman suit is encased in the Fortress of Solitude ready for Clark's true ascension.
"Alex, I don't mind you drinking on the job, but can you stay away from the Chateau La Tour? You're young, the Jack will do."
Promises, promises, promises. Nikita is definitely one who keeps her word, especially when it comes to taking down Division. On this week’s episode, our girl was at it again…but this time, she had her hands full protecting some eager beaver reporter who had dirt on Division’s newest client, a drug-smuggling airline. Who came out swinging and who came out on top? Here’s the full scoop.
Nosey Girls
Jill - Conspiracy, drugs and a plane crash -- sounds like the makings of a great news story, huh? Well, not when Division is involved. Journalist Jill Morelli found this out quickly after bullets started flying and her boss got shot and some scary men came along and said that they were framing her for the murder. Lucky for her, Miss N was out to make a few headlines of her own and quickly stepped in and snapped Jill up.
From that point on, the two ladies cordially worked together to unveil the full story. They figured out that the key to the whole mess was some Virginian college student who had video proof for a price. Nikita, being Nikita, had no intention of paying for anything. Instead, she planned to just take it. She and Jill tracked down the greedy pupil and then things got a little muddled. Division showed up, the video vigilante got gunned down, and Jill ended up being apprehended by the cops. But, it was a happy ending of sorts because Jill got to publish her scoop and Nikita, once again, got her way.
More vengeance and inside jobs after the jump. Plus: girl fight!
Alex -- Alex also did some snooping and scooping of her own. First, she got the intel Nikita needed on Jill by shrewdly picking a fight with her favorite foe, Jaden. When J threw blows at her face Alex casually leaned against some two-way glass and got a peek at the Operation Room video screens.
Later, Alex pulled some more creative moves when she was hanging out with Division’s super tech, Birkoff. To get him off his game, she offhandedly slid a Red Bull near his keyboard causing a techie’s worst nightmare: Spillage. With him distracted, Alex worked her own computer magic and was able to send the cops to help Nikita and Jill get out of that final jam with Division. (You, go girl.)
Alex really showed her smarts when Michael had the new recruits did a little detective work on a supposedly fake terrorist. Teamed up with fellow classmates Jaden and Thom, Alex was able to decipher all kinds of fun-filled facts that impressed Michael. However, it turns out Michael was the clever one because he used the information to track down the real target, journalist Jill.
The Mole Hunt
Percy also had a few revelations this week. He finally caught on to the idea that Nikita had someone on the inside. He quickly pointed his suspicions toward Birkoff who then became the object of an interrogation. As we learned last week, Division calls in Amanda when there’s a hard nut to crack and somehow she gets the job done. This week was no different. After ordering a full body scan, she was able to detect that someone had implanted a transmitter in his tooth and of course, they all suspected one person. You guessed it: Nikita. But did she really implant it or was it Percy’s idea? You decide.
"I don't want to be your friend, ever. I do kind of want to make out with you, though...
Damon can't catch a break this week on The Vampire Diaries. Despite having a record number of brilliantly-executed, snarky lines, being completely honest with Elena and taking an arrow for her, she remains unmoved and declared that Damon lost her friendship for ever. We don't approve! Well, yeah, he did think he was killing Jeremy for reals, but he was under duress! We're optimists, so we're going to remain hopeful that she will come around.
So much else happened this week. Follow us after the jump to read about how tasty Caroline thinks Matt is, our first real sighting of Mason's full moon state, and what we think about Tyler (spoiler: He's a tasteless cad).
We were beginning to worry that one of our favorites, aLARic, wasn't going to show his pretty face this season. But he showed up tonight in all his scruffy glory, much to our relief. He escorted Damon and Elena to Duke to check out Isobel's office, which is still waiting for her after all of this time and is a completely charming, huge room that looks like an old English library. We would not have been surprised if Lucy Pevensie burst out of a piece of furniture fresh from her adventures in Narnia. Duke's resources must have really exceeded the norm for the Folklore department to have this sort of real estate just lying around.
Back in Mystic Falls, Stefan was on babysitting duty with Caroline, who is now wearing 100% more vampire-y makeup. First he convinced Bonnie to make Caroline a day-walker ring, then they made the bad decision to go to Tyler's lake party and leave her alone with Matt. Poor Matt, who falls prey to the well known "make out wrist bleed" that befalls the youth in Mystic Falls. Seriously, how often do people randomly bleed from their wrists!? So of course Matt was toast when Caroline decided to feast on him. Yay for Stefan appearing in the nick of time, boo for Caroline who then intentionally manipulated Matt into breaking up with her. Vamp Caroline moves fast -- "I love you" to breaking up has a pretty quick turn around with her.
Onto super hot, dirty, and naked Mason Lockwood who finally (accidentally) reveals the family secret to Tyler. We're so glad he didn't choose to kill Caroline or Stefan. His wolf self was also an actual wolf, not some terribly CG'd hybrid, which we appreciated. But what was up with his apparent ineptness at locking himself up? Didn't he see "The Wolfman"? You need to have someone else in on it who can lock you in a room for the night. And he wasn't able to chain himself in successfully, but he was able to get in his car and strip before making the big change? Does that make sense? Please enlighten us if you understand the logic in this, because we don't.
Now, Tyler, we're sorry to have to be harsh with you. We want to like the werewolves. We want to sympathize with you since your dad died. And you work out. A lot. We approve of that.
But...
Your mom tells you that the creepy room with shackles in the woods is an embarrassing reminder of the past. Put two and two together, dude. DO NOT take a girl down there to hook up with you. Who do you think you are? What kind of girl, even one who was totally into you, would want to do it with you in that creepy, dirty, moldy place? Hint: she's more rare than werewolves.
Ohhh Katherine, what shenanigans will you be up to with Caroline? We can't wait to find out!
What did you think about Elena's refusal to be friends with Damon, even though he was supremely charming and sincere? Tell us in the comments!
Smallville Season 10 party -- send us your questions!
Smallville is getting ready to start its 10th season, and we're perfectly happy to help them celebrate! In fact, we'll be heading up to Vancouver for the big premiere party, and we want your questions for the stars!
Please leave us the questions you're dying to have answered in the comments, and we'll choose the best ones when we talk to the cast and crew. The party is just around the corner, so please get your questions to us by 7pm Central time -- after that, the comments will be closed!
We're guessing at least a few of you -- say, 10 or so -- will have questions about Chloe and Oliver. Why do we think that? Because of the awesome fan video using one of our clips! Check it out here:
We're glad you're finding our interviews useful. Now send us the questions that you want to appear in your next fan vid!
"I don't wear full-length shirts! I'm gonna be a lawyer! WOOOOO!!!!"
This week on Hellcats Savannah’s first secular date ends in disaster, Alice turns further to the dark side, Vanessa finally fesses up and Marti goes trekking.
Cheering is so not a sport
Clearly everyone hates cheerleaders. The university decides to pull the Hellcats' funding for regionals, even though they busted their butts to qualify. Apparently, the girls’ volleyball team also qualified in their league. Since NCAA recognizes volleyball as a sport and not cheerleading (when will we get some respect, already?) the Hellcats are done. If the cheerleaders want to foot the bill themselves it will be about $10,000. We smell a bake sale! Or a car wash?
But wait -- there’s a plan B! They can submit a “bid video” directly to the national organization. The competition is tough, but if they win a bid the national organization pays their way. Alice decides she needs to get healed post haste so she can participate in the video (and besides, that would get that pesky Marti out of her lovely locks).
Read on for run-ins with the law (on several levels) after the jump!
There’s no “we” in date
As Savannah prepares for her first date with Dan, Marti warns her that the guy is a bit of a player (some friend!) and Savannah is so naïve that Marti has to explain what player means. After discovering that the term has nothing to do with gym, the poor girl is nervous about the date and asks Marti to call Dan and cancel. Instead, Marti reminds her that there’s no I in TEAM and the entire squad accompanies Savannah on the date. Always up for fun, Dan rolls with it. But Savannah gets so anxious that she’s boring, so the team starts priming her with Hurricanes. Let's just say booze doesn’t really bring out the best in the girl.
Marti’s law professor is clearly a John Grisham character
This week we’re introduced to Julian Perish. Marti is always late for his class because she’s really busy, but she still volunteers for a serious legal case that Julian has taken on. He wants to free a man has been put away for life for a minor offense and he needs a small team of students to help him. Man, this guy gets more Grisham-esque every minute. Marti wants in, but Prof realizes that she’s overextended. Instead, he offers her a secret side-assignment to prove her worth.
There’s no “I” in lie. Oh wait, yes there is.
Coach Red keeps running into Vanessa’s man. Honestly, it’s a little creepy, and we figure Red’s behind it all. Poor Derrick is really just hoping for a position on the staff, so he has some beers with the guy. But when he gets home Vanessa has to fess up about her past with the coach. They had a student/faculty member affair back in the day. What made their affair so bad was that he had a wife. Vanessa ended it when she met his wife but it was too late -- the word got out that the coach and a student had an affair -- and he was dismissed. But Derrick still loves her, so that’s all that matters.
Does anyone really like Alice?
A certain football player named Jake who used to be tight with Lewis is willing to help Alice find herself some “mother’s little helper” for her wrist -- some human growth hormone to help her heal quickly so she can get back at it. And she seems willing to put out for it. The girl truly endears herself to us more and more each week.
That night, rather than getting the goods in privacy, Jake chooses to slide them into Alice’s purse in front of everyone outside the bar where Dan and Savannah’s group date is taking place. Lewis spots the exchange and starts a fight that ends up in some arrests. Lewis, Dan and Jake are tossed into the hoosegow. And we finally get the lowdown on the real reason Lewis is a cheerleader and not a football player -- he gets to look up girl’s skirts. Duh. Jake is sprung free because he’s a football player and all. Poor Lewis -- first the guy plays the ill-fated Quentin on OTH and now he’s a cheerleader with some kind of crazy past.
More of smacks of Grishamness
Hoping to save Lewis from losing his scholarship (and because she’s used to saving Dan) Marti convinces Julian Perish to come to the boys’ rescue in the middle of the night. Julian points out the fact that the dirty cops at the jailhouse let the football players go and kept the others, some fancy legal terms are used, and voila! The boys are sprung.
The next day, in a serious stroke of luck, Marti happens upon Morgan, the kiss-ass nerd from her law class. They discover that the good professor has assigned all of them this secret task, so the two decide to join forces and knock it out.
Turns out that Julian has assigned them an impossible task, which was a test of character. The test had something to do with Star Trek -- we’ve actually left the house on occasion and don’t do conventions, so we don’t really understand the deeper complexities of it -- you’ll just have to trust us on this. So, back in class, the rest of the students are stressed at their lack of ability when Marti and Nerd Morgan bust the good Professor on his ruse. More fancy legal words are tossed around and Marti would have been more convincing if she would have said “Star Trek” rather than “Star Track.” Oh well, she gets out of the house, too.
Marti and Nerd Morgan get the assignment. Clearly we’ll need to prepare ourselves for more “I’m so frantic and busy” montages. Bring ‘em on!
America's Next Top Model: Makin' It Through The Makeover
It's not a makeover on ANTM unless someone gets their eyebrows bleached...
Our very favorite episode of each and every Cycle of America's Next Top Model is the makeover episode. And this time the contestants embrace their new look…well, most of them do. We can always count on some kind of drama.
The Oscar goes to…
When it's announced that the contestants will get makeovers we discover that Lexie is a prankster. She, Rhianna and Anne write up a "fake" hair agenda and leave it for the others to find. Liz happens upon the wadded up piece of paper and the heinous makeover rumor mill starts to churn. In the note, Lexie is scheduled to get a lovely colorful Afro and she weeps and wails like Demi Moore in "Ghost." No one expects a thing. As you can well imagine, the rest of the girls don't take the phony news well and tensions are high as they head to the salon. According to Liz, "I’ll never tell." Does she not realize that the whole Top Model thing is being recorded to air on national TV?
More hair flying (literally) after the jump.
The bad 'tude award goes to…
There's one in every makeover episode. First Terra languished at the bottom two last week and then she cried throughout her entire haircut. It was "blah, blah, everyone is getting extensions and I'm getting my hair cut off," and so on. Even her sister saw the mistakes and was nervous for her. But just about everyone else was happy with their new look. Kacey got herself some contacts -- finally! We figure that that right there is worth the price of admission.
The Jays had an impromptu photo shoot directly after the makeovers so they could see who was embracing their Top Model look and who wasn’t. Terra couldn’t fake it and then when they announced that someone was going to go home then and there, it was clear it had to be Terra. Geez…they cut off all her hair and then gave her the boot? That’s just cold.
The trooper award goes to…
Chelsey had to start her makeover a bit later than everyone else because she had to visit the dentist. The doc shaved a quarter of a millimeter off each of her two front teeth to widen her gap a la Lauren Hutton and those weight-lifting dudes who do 'roids. We love Tyra, but this is extreme. Hair will grow back, even eyebrow color will return after the hideous bleaching thing she continues to do, but teeth -- that's forever.
The pain-in-the-ass award goes to…
We think that Liz is just lovely, but you can tell that she's rubbing the Jays the wrong way. First she complained throughout her makeover. And really, her new look wasn’t that different at all. Then she whined throughout the fallen angel photo shoot. Everyone had to deal with the pain of the harness, but she continued to grumble throughout. We'll be surprised if she stays around much longer.
The Drekatude lifetime achievement award goes to…
After a disastrous photo shoot (Tyra called it "extremely disappointing") the judges found it hard to select the best shot. However, this week we seemed to get some mixed messages from Ms. Banks. In one sentence she told the models to really show their feeling. The next, she loved a shot because the emotion isn't hitting us over the head. Confusing? We thought so.
When it came down to it, Kayla, Anne and Chelsey were the only models who did well this week and Anne took home "best photo" for the second week in a row. Lexie and Sara ended up at the bottom two and Sara was asked to leave. They turned her into a brunette, bleached her eyebrows and promptly dismissed her. At least they didn’t shave her teeth.
The prospering prankster?
We found it difficult to believe that the judges didn’t let Lexie go. Her photos were disastrous and she doesn’t seem to be able to pose for a proper photo. We don’t really have any drama queens this time around and we need good TV. Could the judges have decided to keep Lexie around because she’s the fun prankster type? Tells us here in the comments!
